I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member