So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen