How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....