cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.