You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
