Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
