Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
