I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
