you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
