and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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