4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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