she looked like the before picture.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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