Someone shit on the floor
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is my gift to your gina
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
