my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Pooping to opera.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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