That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
