Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
that is very illegal...i love you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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