I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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