my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
