Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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