too bad you live with your parents still
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
