i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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