Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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