who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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