Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
