You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
