I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
