He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
