It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
where am i from again
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
