it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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