I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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