I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to calm my uterus...
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