Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
