I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
