I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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