So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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