I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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