there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
