you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
