I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
