you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
