remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
