had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
