her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
