im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
