Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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