so explain again why im purple
no
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
