I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
