the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
