I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
