I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
