I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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