That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
