Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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