Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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