I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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