I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
