We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
