i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
