fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
