no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
