Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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