Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
