i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize