How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
