It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
