We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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